The Holiday Drug Testing Song

(Sing to the tune of “12 Days of Christmas”)

 On my first day back from Christmas my manager said to me

“Drug test time!” and I said “Yippee!”

I arrived at the testing center and the collector said to me

“I need a copy of your photo I.D.”

Because it is drug test time and I said Yippee!

It was time for my appointment and the collector said to me

“Wash your hands to make them clean and bleach-free!”

“I need a copy of your photo I.D.”

Because it is drug test time and I said Yippee!

After locking up my wallet and scrubbing carefully

She handed me a cup and said it’s time to pee.

“Wash your hands to make them bleach-free!”

“I need a copy of your photo I.D.”

Because it is drug test time and I said Yippee!

I am sitting in the restroom and I cannot believe

An-xi-ety!

She said it’s time to pee

 “Wash your hands to make them bleach-free!”

“I need a copy of your photo I.D.”

Because it is drug test time and I said Yippee!

I spoke to the collector who showed me empathy

“Here’s a glass of water that will help, you will see.”

I sat a little while  and knew it was meant to be

I left a specimen finally.

I drove back to the office after being chosen randomly

Now I’ll wait for the test results expectantly.

Because I

                Left a specimen finally

                After drinking something icy

                And an attack of An-xi-ety!

                She said it’s time to pee

                “Wash your hands to make them bleach-free!”

                “I need a copy of your photo I.D.”

                Because it is drug test time and I said Yippee!

The MRO then called me and asked “what can it be?”

It’s legal and I’ll get the script immediately.

I stopped by my local pharmacy and asked “can you help me?

 This prescription, I need a copy.”

Then the last day of my random drug test got here suddenly

I passed because I am drug-free – Yippee!

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